Raise your hand if you’ve ever wanted to move (or at least take a vacation) to Middle-earth.
Save for the occasional encounter with magic rings, supernatural warlords, and orcs in need of a tan, Middle-earth is a pretty swanky realm. Here are eight things to love about Middle-earth, and, so that you’re not too sad about not being able to visit, three not-so-great things.
8 Great Things about Middle-earth
1. Hobbit pantries are the best pantries.
That is one fine larder.
2. There is a large dating pool of ridiculously attractive, forever-young elves.
3. If you’re lucky, you might spot a wild Gandalf.
If you’re very lucky, he might even take you on an adventure.
4. Middle-earth has some great libraries.
Though it looks like they could use some help from the Dewey Decimal System.
5. Everyone in Middle-earth has magically perfect hair.
6. It’s culturally acceptable to be a stoner.
…but maybe not to the point of letting birds poo on your face.
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7. The scenery is absolutely breathtaking.
Rivendell really is the ideal vacation spot.
8. There may only be three women in Middle-earth (slight exaggeration), but they’re all super badass.
And they’re not badass in that superficial comic book way where women arbitrarily beat men up just to demonstrate how tough they are. They’re genuinely strong characters with courage, wisdom, intelligence, and all those other great qualities.
3 Not-So-Great Things about Middle-earth
1. The wait time for air travel is perilously long.
And seriously, why couldn’t the eagles have dropped them just a little bit closer to the lonely mountain?
2. Big brother is always watching you.
Security cameras would be less creepy.
3. There aren’t always spiders, but when there are spiders, they’re the size of a bus and they want to eat you.
Something tells me Orkin is not going to be able to help with this particular pest problem.
What are your favorite things about Middle-earth?