Review: Grace for the Good Girl by Emily Freeman

Title: Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life
Author: Emily P. Freeman
Released: September 1, 2011
Publisher: Revell
Pages/Format: 272 (Trade Paperback)
Genre: Nonfiction, Christian Living
Source: Publisher

You’re strong. You’re responsible. You’re good. But . . .

. . . as day fades to dusk, you begin to feel the familiar fog of anxiety, the weight and pressure of holding it together and of longing left unmet. Good girls sometimes feel that the Christian life means doing hard work with a sweet disposition. We tend to focus only on the things we can handle, our disciplined lives, and our unshakeable good moods.

But what would happen if we let grace pour out boundless acceptance into our worn-out hearts and undo us? If we dared to talk about the ways we hide, our longing to be known, and the fear in the knowing?

In Grace for the Good Girl, Emily Freeman invites you to release your tight hold on the familiar, try-hard life and lean your weight heavy into the love of Jesus. With an open hand and a heart bent brave toward adventure, Emily encourages you to move from your own impossible expectations toward the God who has graciously, miraculously, and lovingly found you.

One Sentence Review: Grace for the Good Girl is a biblical, insightful, courageously written book for women who struggle to live up to impossible expectations.

In-Depth Review

Many books have been published over the last few years challenging Christians to wake up from the American dream and commit to a lifestyle of radical sacrifice and obedience to Christ. Books like Crazy Love and Radical have served as an appropriate kick in the pants for Evangelicals pursuing comfort over Christ, but there is another audience for whom these books have only stirred the embers of chronic guilt. It is this audience–women caught up in a vicious cycle of striving to be ‘good Christians’ and continually failing–that Emily Freeman reaches out to in Grace for the Good Girl.

I’ve followed Emily’s writing at her blog and (in)courage for a while, so when I found out she was planning to publish a book, I was super excited to read it. Grace for the Good Girl is eighteen chapters divided into three parts. Part one (chapters 1-10) explores the attitudes, or ‘masks,’ that good girls hide behind. Part two (chapters 11-14) guides readers through the process of removing these masks and pursing more authentic relationship with God and others. Finally, part three (chapters 15-18) illustrates what it means to live fully in the freedom we have in Christ. Each chapter closes with a few reflective questions for journaling. There is also a fantastic small group guide in the back which includes discussion questions, memory verses, and more.

One thing that struck me is Freeman’s ability to put into words the subconscious beliefs that drive women to perform. She has so much insight into the good girl psyche and I often felt like she was reading a part of my mind I wasn’t even aware of.

You feel lonely, unimportant, and not-as-good-as, while at the same time you experience feelings of deep resentment toward those who always turn to you. You have trained people to think you have no needs, but you are secretly angry with them for believing you. {Grace for the Good Girl, page 92}

I love Freeman’s personality. Her tone is compassionate and her message convicting. She is honest about her struggle to live up to arbitrary standards of behavior over the years.

Guilt says I did wrong.
Shame says I am wrong.
Guilt deals with behavior.
Shame deals with identity.
Guilt leads to repentance.
Shame leads to hiding.

- Grace for the Good Girl, page 117

When preaching grace, it’s really easy to gloss over the seriousness of sin and vice versa. Laymen and theologians have long struggled to express the contrast between sin and grace in a way that does not diminish the significance of either. Freeman navigates these choppy waters with precision and presents a very biblical picture of the whole thing.

God takes any kind of sin very seriously; so seriously, in fact, that he would never dream of expecting us to handle it on our own. It’s too big, too bad, too much. So he sent the law to let unbelievers know how bad it is, he sent his Son to pay for it, and he sent his Spirit to give us the authority to resist it. {Grace for the Good Girl, page 117}

Bottom line: I love this book. It’s well-written and really gets to the heart of why so many women spend their days working so hard at the Christian life and yet still find themselves controlled by fear.

Other Reviews: Altogether Separate | A Peek at My Bookshelf

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About Emily Freeman:

Emily Freeman is a writer for DaySpring (a division of Hallmark) and has also traveled as a writer with Compassion International. Emily extends a daily invitation on her blog for women to create space for their souls to breathe.